“I need a vacation from vacation.”
Wow. There. I said it.
Coming from me, that’s crazy. Aside from my cat Mango and those closest to me, traveling the world is my world. In the past three years since college, I’ve visited 18 countries spread over nine trips—and many of them solo. Through all this dreamy globetrotting, I’ve pursued my career in marketing, become a yoga teacher, bought a house, picked up freelance work and most of all, really, really put myself out there. I’ve faced fears, pushed myself out of my comfort zone, put my heart on the line and had some friendships grow and some end. I’ve made some really unwise decisions and some really smart moves.
I am constantly on the go. If I’m not traveling, I’m at home planning and preparing for the next trip in the midst of my daily life—never really settling into being home.
When Solo Travel Feels, Well…Solo
Usually when I travel alone, it makes me feel like an independent badass who can do anything she sets her mind to, but in the beginning of my most recent solo trip to Mexico, I just felt alone. Solo. Uno (and not the fun kind with cards). The first couple days of the trip I was looking at flights to go home so I could just be in my bed with Mango and get a week of sleep and time to literally process my life for the past year. Fortunately, feelings are fleeting and I didn’t do that. Mexico gave me multiple life-changing experiences and friendships and I’m so glad I stayed—gracias! Nonetheless, I realized if I’m going to make the most of my life (especially my travels) I need to take it easy so the lows don’t kill the highs.
I just read an article that I wrote about the beginning of 2018 and it was seriously one of the best times in my life, but I had forgotten all about how I felt (I never posted it but will soon!). I don’t want rush my life with accomplishing anymore, I want to slow down and enjoy every little moment.
“There is more to life than increasing its speed.” – Mohandas Ghandi
Taking A Travel Hiatus
It wasn’t until a few months ago when my Dad suggested I take a hiatus from travel and tears started welling up in me, that I realized I may have kind of an unhealthy relationship with traveling.
I know it sounds so ridiculous to many people that don’t travel as much as me, but this is me. I’ve practically built my life around travel. While others are out there saving for the latest ___ I’m researching how to travel the world cheaply, setting aside money and practicing packing light. When I run into friends and family I don’t see all the time they ask, “So where are you going next?'”
For whatever reason, I’ve become someone that thinks staying in the same town I grew up in is a waste of my precious time. There’s so much world out there and I need to see and experience it all! There’s so much I want to see and after being home for a few weeks, I start feeling trapped like there’s something waiting for me anywhere but here. Everything happens somewhere outside home, that’s how I’ve felt. I decided my most recent trip to Mexico would be my last one for awhile (meaning hopefully more than eight months).
I’m So Exhausted
I’ve been moving so fast through life, it feels like I suddenly woke up and I’m 25. It’s not old, but time really flies. Before I know it, another five years will be in the past. I’m realizing this fast-paced travel and constant need to accomplish something and be “moving forward” has really robbed me of reminiscing in all the spectacular things I’ve experienced. I hardly think about the insane adventure of one trip because I’m too busy living the next. Not to mention how my blog suffers—oh the sweet blog posts you all are missing out on because I don’t have the mental capacity!
The Best Part About Rock Bottom
“I don’t know why it is we are in such a hurry to get up when we fall down. You might think we would lie there and rest awhile.” – Max Forrester Eastman
This year has been especially tumultuous for me. In so many ways, 2018 has been my year, man! And in other ways, I’ve hit rock bottom.
The best part about all the stress, heartache and vulnerability though, is that it got me to rock bottom, where I can finally rest. I’ll spare the details, but I’m emotionally spent. I always put myself out there and remind myself to “let life see the real me” even when it’s hard (LOL like by writing this post). So many amazing things have come of it, but it has really taken a toll on me. So I’m taking some time off of travel and all the “doing,” just for me. So I can reflect on all the beautiful memories I’ve made and things I’ve learned and recoup. I’m going to try to say no to checking off bucket-list items and instead, work on just being.
Feelings sure are fleeting, but this is how I’m feeling now so I wanted to share. 🙂
In addition to my cat Mango, I’ve regularly said that travel is my one true love that will never let me down—and I’m holding on to that. For now though, I’m off on my most exciting adventure: home.
Have you ever felt similarly? Do you think this silly post belongs in a diary? Think I’m a privileged, spoiled brat? I want to hear about it in the comments below! 😉